Working Together

They say that a difficult experience can either bring a relationship closer together or tear it apart. It wasn't until a few days ago that I realized how apart my relationship was despite my hopeful wishes, fond memories and desperate attempts to get it back on track.

I called her. I told him I wouldn't but the urge to save my self was greater than sparing him a little embarrassment. I pretended I was someone else. I told her that I thought we were dating the same man and if that was the case I wanted out. She told me she had been dating him for a long time and that yes, she was the only one. As I questioned her and asked her to push through this unease she felt, "I'm feeling very uncomfortable," she squeaked in her mousy, submissive voice. I realized how much information a person is willing to give up, even to a stranger. I told her nothing about me. I told her that once she answered all my questions I'd answer hers. I lied to her as well. When I hung up, I actually felt sorry for her. I felt sorry that she had quite possibly dedicated the majority of her womanhood to a fantasy that was as empty as the glass that sat in front of me.

Immediately I confronted him about the situation. Deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny...then....a shred of truth. As soon as HE slowly turned on his very rusty faucet of truth, it flowed. HE let me in. HE told me of this burden HE'd been carrying on for 22 years. 22 years! HE told me how sorry HE felt for her; how pitiful she was and how incredibly unhappy it had made him the whole time..."but she wouldn't go away" HE said. I believed him.

But HE had to end it. Not for me, it had nothing to do with me. HE had to end it to be happy himself and to make a better partner to me. Indirectly, HE had to push beyond his niceness, his compassion, his desire to save her, in order to set himself free.

I felt empowered that no matter what HE would do, at least I was true to myself. For once. Fuck! Finally, I was true to myself. I finally had put myself before him. It felt so good.

HE called me late and said that HE'd done it. HE felt confident that this horrible situation had been dealt with once and for all. I could hear a calmness and a lightness in his voice. I was truly happy for him. I am truly happy for him.

There is much to discuss still. There are some things to work out. But this has brought us closer and I am so proud of us!