...I met "the boy" for lunch for the first time. We met at a restaurant with a view. I was nervous. We arrived at the same time. I watched him walk up with his baby blue shirt that accentuated his eyes. We said hello and it felt a bit awkward. We sat by the window. He took the seat with the view. Strike one.
Some people talk when they get nervous. I imagine that's what was his deal because he just started talking. He had just gotten into town from his business trip and he was a bit harried from the day. Apparently his trip was filled with debauchery to the point of illness. He ordered a dirty martini and with the first sip seemed to relax.
I studied his face, his expressions, his features. He was not as cute as I had remembered, or built him up to be. Nor was he as tall as I thought. His long face displayed a five o'clock shadow and his hair is thin. Nice body but perhaps too skinny. Deconstruction was easy but there was a certain charm about him.
From his stories he seemed younger than I had first thought...and more immature. I have attracted that type of boy in the past so it is not unfamiliar to me. It does give me the upper hand and a sense of control over the situation. I know that and feel confident in that situation.
It felt good to have everything out in the open and not have to hide as I have done in the past. I just don't have my rules in place for this kind of relationship so I will be taking it very slow, if at all.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
I Am A Scorekeeper
It was a bit hard for me to look him in the eyes and tell him that a boy, a really cute boy, showed some interest in me and wants to take me to lunch this week. HE is very cool and well, HE plays poker so his expressions are subtle. But I know him. I saw his face change when I told him that I didn't consider his feelings when I said "yes" to the boy.
I never want to hurt his feelings. Not to say that my past actions haven't, but it is not my intention to hurt his feelings. I love him. HE is the most important person in my life. I would do pretty much anything for him. But, I won't sit back and allow myself to forego cute boy attention if HE is really hell bent on fucking other people and having his own attention directed elsewhere, no matter how occasional. Yes, I am a scorekeeper.
More than keeping score, though, is how I build resentment. Every time HE goes away with someone, I will be angry. I will resent him. It might get so crazy that I end up doing something I will really regret. That's what happened a while ago. I won't go back to that place again. So, in order to keep my sanity, I have to not roll all my options up into him. I must diversify. HE did tell me a long time ago, "I can't be your everything." I think I know why now, but I really thought HE could be.
So, the boy and I will go to lunch, we will talk about common interests and who knows....that might be the end of it. Or, it might turn into a wonderful friendship. I do know that being honest was not as hard as I once thought it would be and I will be more relaxed at lunch because my partner loves and accepts me, good parts and not so good.
Maybe it will be a good lesson for me so that I can be a more supportive partner to him and all the pieces I find to be "not so good."
I never want to hurt his feelings. Not to say that my past actions haven't, but it is not my intention to hurt his feelings. I love him. HE is the most important person in my life. I would do pretty much anything for him. But, I won't sit back and allow myself to forego cute boy attention if HE is really hell bent on fucking other people and having his own attention directed elsewhere, no matter how occasional. Yes, I am a scorekeeper.
More than keeping score, though, is how I build resentment. Every time HE goes away with someone, I will be angry. I will resent him. It might get so crazy that I end up doing something I will really regret. That's what happened a while ago. I won't go back to that place again. So, in order to keep my sanity, I have to not roll all my options up into him. I must diversify. HE did tell me a long time ago, "I can't be your everything." I think I know why now, but I really thought HE could be.
So, the boy and I will go to lunch, we will talk about common interests and who knows....that might be the end of it. Or, it might turn into a wonderful friendship. I do know that being honest was not as hard as I once thought it would be and I will be more relaxed at lunch because my partner loves and accepts me, good parts and not so good.
Maybe it will be a good lesson for me so that I can be a more supportive partner to him and all the pieces I find to be "not so good."
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Anger Propels Me
Is anger good or bad? I was raised to think that it was bad, that to express it meant you were weak, uncontrollable and volatile. In the workplace anger is especially looked down upon. In relationships, well, I guess it depends on the therapist. ;)
Looking back into my recent past, anger has become a normal part of my relationship. When I express it, it rarely turns out well. I end up feeling like shit about myself because a) I got angry and b) because I expressed to the person who I felt anger towards. So, I tried repressing it. That never turns out well either because if it's there it has to come up and out.
Thinking about it over and over and journalling about it, it finally dawned on me that this is the emotion that propels me. It always has been that driving force that allows me to break out of behaviour that is acceptable to everyone else and just be me. Used as revenge, it is not appropriate, hence much of my hateful and hurtful behaviour towards ex lovers, but when used simply to make better decisions or decisions at all, in some cases, that usually works out well for me.
Anger towards my overprotective mother and emotionally distant father propelled me to move across the country to start my life. Anger towards my selfish husband finally propelled me to leave. Anger at work propels me to accomplish more than the normal overachiever....all of these reminders have allowed me to feel differently towards the emotion I was so eager to judge.
I see it differently now. Anger is my friend. Anger can be guided and molded into a positive that can help me accomplish greatness. Most of all, it is part of me and is neither good nor bad. It just is. I accept it in me and will use it for Good and no longer Evil. Yea me!
Looking back into my recent past, anger has become a normal part of my relationship. When I express it, it rarely turns out well. I end up feeling like shit about myself because a) I got angry and b) because I expressed to the person who I felt anger towards. So, I tried repressing it. That never turns out well either because if it's there it has to come up and out.
Thinking about it over and over and journalling about it, it finally dawned on me that this is the emotion that propels me. It always has been that driving force that allows me to break out of behaviour that is acceptable to everyone else and just be me. Used as revenge, it is not appropriate, hence much of my hateful and hurtful behaviour towards ex lovers, but when used simply to make better decisions or decisions at all, in some cases, that usually works out well for me.
Anger towards my overprotective mother and emotionally distant father propelled me to move across the country to start my life. Anger towards my selfish husband finally propelled me to leave. Anger at work propels me to accomplish more than the normal overachiever....all of these reminders have allowed me to feel differently towards the emotion I was so eager to judge.
I see it differently now. Anger is my friend. Anger can be guided and molded into a positive that can help me accomplish greatness. Most of all, it is part of me and is neither good nor bad. It just is. I accept it in me and will use it for Good and no longer Evil. Yea me!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The Touch Tells All
His touch always tells what kind of mood HE's in. I know if it's going to be soft, slow, love-making or wild, passionate, hot sex. It's all in his fingertips and the way HE moves his hips before HE even says a word or kisses me.
Before the sun had completely risen, HE moved closer to me in the bed. HE fell asleep tired and irritated. But this morning, his hands told me that HE still wanted morning sex with me. HE faced me away from him and began grinding into my ass. I love the feeling of his member growing as it touches my skin. It tickles as the heat rises and HE grows harder. HE grabs my hip and pulls closer to him. As his cock reaches it's full potential HE touches my pussy to see how wet it is. HE runs his fingers all the way down my slit and then pauses at the hole and inserts his finger to the first knuckle. It's so wet; I can feel it.
HE grips his cock and guides it into my pussy from behind. HE pumps it twice before sinking it all the way in. A chill blankets my entire body hardening my nipples. As HE pumps more vigorously, a warmth replaces the chill and my whole body gives into his pleasure. I can hear his breath as HE tries to keep from completely letting go. HE grabs my neck with his other hand and pulls my body into his. My excitement rises when HE grabs my neck. My tits bounce softly as his entire manhood fills me up.
HE pulls out and turns me onto my back. When HE lays on top of me I realize that the front side of my body had been cold. His erection plunges back into my juicy peach. HE releases a guttural moan. His scruff rubs my mouth as HE kisses me lightly. "Fuck me," I want to scream out but it is only morning and I wouldn't want to disturb the passersby.
Deeper and harder HE goes until that moment when I know I will come. I know HE's there too and I give him my "tell" and we come together. HE is quiet but the goose bumps on his backside tell me how intense his orgasm is. HE buries his head into my neck as I stroke his back and kiss his shoulder.
That man is so sexy. HE doesn't even realize how much.
Afternoon Delight
After my class I had a few hours to kill, until the next one, so I wandered back to the room. When I walked in, HE greeted me with an extra passionate kiss and it was on. HE sat back at his computer to work but I went into the bedroom and took off my pants and top. I sat the bag of toys on the bed, a hint of sorts. "Why don't you come back here with me," I shouted.
"MMMMmmm" HE sounded when he saw me laying on the bed with my "come hither" look. HE immediately pulled off my panties as HE hovered over me. HE kissed my breasts and worked his way South. HE pulled out his red hemp rope and straddled my hips. HE grabbed my wrists and proceeded to tie the rope tightly around them. I love to wiggle out of rope. It's one of those useless skills you find out you have on accident (like when your boyfriend ties you up for the first time!). I like to make him think it's really tight but I can usually wriggle out.
So my wrists were tied and placed over my head. HE put on a nitrile glove and doused it with lube. HE fingered me and ran his gloved hand up and down my slit from my clit to ass. His cock grew and his eyes stayed fixed on my pussy while HE continued. My eyes eventually closed involuntarily and I forgot about the ropes. A finger slid into my ass as another continued in my pussy.
HE laid beside me and kissed my ear and my cheek and my mouth as his hand felt me up. "You know what I want to do with you?" he asked, "No," I meekly replied. "I want to blindfold you, tie you up, and invite someone else into the bedroom to help me pleasure you," HE said. "I want to see you drift off to that far away place while you are getting fingered and fucked by two of us," HE said. His breath was warm, his voice sexy and comforting. HE kissed my mouth deep and long. His cock poked my thigh as I orgasmed from his fingers.
"Your chest is flushed," HE said. I couldn't say anything. My hands were still tied up and I wanted to pull his throbbing cock into my pussy but I couldn't. HE climbed on top as if HE read my mind. HE plunged deep inside and fucked me so good. The slapping of flesh was loud and rhythmic. I came again. "Oh god," I screamed. HE kept fucking me. HE didn't ease up to let me savor the after moment of climax. Harder and harder HE banged. We moved together in complete synchronicity until we both came together.
When HE took the ropes off of my wrists, the indentions were clear. "Have fun at class, " HE smiled as I redressed. I wondered how many other attendees had had a lunch break as exciting as mine.
"MMMMmmm" HE sounded when he saw me laying on the bed with my "come hither" look. HE immediately pulled off my panties as HE hovered over me. HE kissed my breasts and worked his way South. HE pulled out his red hemp rope and straddled my hips. HE grabbed my wrists and proceeded to tie the rope tightly around them. I love to wiggle out of rope. It's one of those useless skills you find out you have on accident (like when your boyfriend ties you up for the first time!). I like to make him think it's really tight but I can usually wriggle out.
So my wrists were tied and placed over my head. HE put on a nitrile glove and doused it with lube. HE fingered me and ran his gloved hand up and down my slit from my clit to ass. His cock grew and his eyes stayed fixed on my pussy while HE continued. My eyes eventually closed involuntarily and I forgot about the ropes. A finger slid into my ass as another continued in my pussy.
HE laid beside me and kissed my ear and my cheek and my mouth as his hand felt me up. "You know what I want to do with you?" he asked, "No," I meekly replied. "I want to blindfold you, tie you up, and invite someone else into the bedroom to help me pleasure you," HE said. "I want to see you drift off to that far away place while you are getting fingered and fucked by two of us," HE said. His breath was warm, his voice sexy and comforting. HE kissed my mouth deep and long. His cock poked my thigh as I orgasmed from his fingers.
"Your chest is flushed," HE said. I couldn't say anything. My hands were still tied up and I wanted to pull his throbbing cock into my pussy but I couldn't. HE climbed on top as if HE read my mind. HE plunged deep inside and fucked me so good. The slapping of flesh was loud and rhythmic. I came again. "Oh god," I screamed. HE kept fucking me. HE didn't ease up to let me savor the after moment of climax. Harder and harder HE banged. We moved together in complete synchronicity until we both came together.
When HE took the ropes off of my wrists, the indentions were clear. "Have fun at class, " HE smiled as I redressed. I wondered how many other attendees had had a lunch break as exciting as mine.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Hotel Sex
Letting distractions stay in the background while I'm trying to focus is very hard for me. When I go away, for work or for pleasure, it is much easier for me to let go of my stress, my inhibitions, and relax. That is not unusual or uncommon. But, all that given, hotel sex is simply amazing.
Once, I went to a convention and proceeded to pick up a guy and promptly take him back to my room. We fucked passionately all night long. In the morning, he fetched coffee and bagels, asked if he could see me again, (I said no) and we never saw each other again. It was dangerous. It was scary. But it was also invigorating and freeing to do what I wanted with whom I wanted.
I cried when I told him that secret. That was probably my top rated, deep,dark secret and I thought for sure HE'd cast me out of his sight forever once he heard all the details. But HE didn't. In fact, as I tried holding back the tears while telling the story, HE chuckled...not in a mean way, but in a sweet "it's ok" way.
We have traveled everywhere together. HE and I travel so well together. We have the same sort of wake up habits and love adventure. When we check into the hotels, it usually doesn't take but a moment to "christen" the sheets.
Last night, we checked into a hotel. I'm on business. HE's on pleasure! We jumped on the bed first with clothes on but quickly they came off and we played. HE used a glove (nitrile gloves are an amazing addition to ass play and touching) and the lube and my new vibrator! OMG..this thing rocks. I never knew there was much of a difference between models, but I certainly do now. I came in two seconds with this thing working on my clit and his finger playing inside my ass. Just when I began to relax, HE climbed on top of me.
His cock was stiff and warm and slid easily and nicely along my slit. My clit was still very sensitive but I was able to move with him and continue the heightened state of arousal. We kissed with extra passion and I could feel his balls lightly tapping my ass as his cock grew harder and harder. It was a perfect fit, his cock between my lips, sliding back and forth as if he was fucking me. HE never did slide it into my cunt but I came a second time as if the first time didn't happen.
There is something freeing about hotel sex which enables me to give in to complete pleasure. I get so horny just making reservations. Is there such a thing as a hotel fetish!? Mmmmm, HE'll be back in just a little while. Wonder what we'll do for pleasure this evening in our hotel in the middle of the desert.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Saturday Morning Moment
As HE finished making love to me in the early morning light, HE kissed my morning mouth and said quietly, "There is nobody better than you, you know."
Getting Past the Fear
Supposedly, if I am tenacious and optimistic, I can get over all my fears surrounding, well, anything. My life has been filled with much fear since our relationship changed on that fateful Tuesday. I have good days and bad days but even on the good days, the fear sometimes overwhelms me. Based on "How to get over your fear(s) or phobia(s)" by mgonza12 on ehow.com, I am going to discuss my fears in relation to the steps given to get over them (I'm paraphrasing the steps published).
1. Discipline yourself to stop thinking ahead. HE told me that HE will be fucking the girl again, but HE has put it on hold for now. HE also told me that HE'd like to have girls that are friends, that HE "promises" HE won't fuck. Once such girl, HE reports, has contacted him (as I predicted she would) and has FB'd him.
If I were to follow the advice of this article, as soon as HE told me of his future plans, I would have immediately put the thoughts of these activities out of my head. Instead, I have pretty much been waiting day by day for him to tell me today is the day. For the girl that's a friend, I have been waiting for him to friend her back on FB. Well, today was that day.
Of course, perusing through her photos she looks like a care-free, adventure seeking, fun-loving, stress free woman. She seems somewhat intelligent. She's not bad looking. She has a cute body. And she doesn't look attached. Oh, and I feel sure she's into him. (I met her. I could tell.) I guess this means he emailed her back now too and they are currently making plans to get together for coffee...or maybe something else.
2. Get to know your fear. Take notes when it surfaces and write down what makes it better, worse, etc. What makes it worse is knowing that HE's lied to me for the past 8-10 years about having friends that HE fucks and friends that HE doesn't fuck and not knowing if HE will stop...the lying I mean. I'm not sure how to just get over that without going through a lot of questioning and testing and waiting and worrying.
3. Take small steps to conquer it. Try to get closer to it when you feel more confident and comfortable. I have actually tried this and sometimes it works. When I am feeling good, I talk to him about having a more open relationship. I ask him about his dalliances and ask him to speculate how all of this will work. I ask him about his condom use, his style with the other women, what HE wants with all these women, etc. Sometimes I end up feeling like running away like a greyhound chasing that unobtainable rabbit. Other times I get excited at the possibilities that I, too, can have dalliances with whomever I feel like.
4. Constantly take strides to conquer your fear. Don't stop because the status quo will gitcha. Well, ok, I guess I have to just talk about it all the time, say, "Have a wonderful time with all your new friends honey," when HE finally does share with me all the things HE claims HE will share with me.
Life is so unpredictable. I don't know what I'm scared of. If HE doesn't want me, why would I want him? I would want him to leave me if HE fell out of love or found someone better or was just over me. Maybe it's just a hellofa competitive side I have inside me that wants to win....or maybe, just maybe, I know what a special, unique, once-in-a-lifetime connection we have and don't want him to fuck it up.
Wish me luck on my journey to conquer fear. I can tell it isn't going to be easy or pretty. Hopefully, I'll come out of it with only a small bruise or two.
1. Discipline yourself to stop thinking ahead. HE told me that HE will be fucking the girl again, but HE has put it on hold for now. HE also told me that HE'd like to have girls that are friends, that HE "promises" HE won't fuck. Once such girl, HE reports, has contacted him (as I predicted she would) and has FB'd him.
If I were to follow the advice of this article, as soon as HE told me of his future plans, I would have immediately put the thoughts of these activities out of my head. Instead, I have pretty much been waiting day by day for him to tell me today is the day. For the girl that's a friend, I have been waiting for him to friend her back on FB. Well, today was that day.
Of course, perusing through her photos she looks like a care-free, adventure seeking, fun-loving, stress free woman. She seems somewhat intelligent. She's not bad looking. She has a cute body. And she doesn't look attached. Oh, and I feel sure she's into him. (I met her. I could tell.) I guess this means he emailed her back now too and they are currently making plans to get together for coffee...or maybe something else.
2. Get to know your fear. Take notes when it surfaces and write down what makes it better, worse, etc. What makes it worse is knowing that HE's lied to me for the past 8-10 years about having friends that HE fucks and friends that HE doesn't fuck and not knowing if HE will stop...the lying I mean. I'm not sure how to just get over that without going through a lot of questioning and testing and waiting and worrying.
3. Take small steps to conquer it. Try to get closer to it when you feel more confident and comfortable. I have actually tried this and sometimes it works. When I am feeling good, I talk to him about having a more open relationship. I ask him about his dalliances and ask him to speculate how all of this will work. I ask him about his condom use, his style with the other women, what HE wants with all these women, etc. Sometimes I end up feeling like running away like a greyhound chasing that unobtainable rabbit. Other times I get excited at the possibilities that I, too, can have dalliances with whomever I feel like.
4. Constantly take strides to conquer your fear. Don't stop because the status quo will gitcha. Well, ok, I guess I have to just talk about it all the time, say, "Have a wonderful time with all your new friends honey," when HE finally does share with me all the things HE claims HE will share with me.
Life is so unpredictable. I don't know what I'm scared of. If HE doesn't want me, why would I want him? I would want him to leave me if HE fell out of love or found someone better or was just over me. Maybe it's just a hellofa competitive side I have inside me that wants to win....or maybe, just maybe, I know what a special, unique, once-in-a-lifetime connection we have and don't want him to fuck it up.
Wish me luck on my journey to conquer fear. I can tell it isn't going to be easy or pretty. Hopefully, I'll come out of it with only a small bruise or two.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Souls and Hooking
This "new phase" I've entered with him excites me but less so than it scares me. If I take him out of the picture, this is what I know for myself. I can have relationships with people that are friendships or just sex with a little chatter on the side. I can have one night stands with strangers or I can play cat and mouse with a man until I get exactly what I want.
When his infidelity came to light and we began discussing having a more open relationship, to foster more honety, openness and ultimately, being who we are, naturally, I tended to focus on the fear more than the possibilities. Last night we registered a profile on a lifestyle website. It was fun and exciting and I felt partnered and loved as we came up with playful and enticing factoids and interests and descriptors. After we finished, however, it became much more real that we had started a journey on a different path.
Societal ideals are hard to penetrate. Many people do penetrate those ideals though, but most often, "normal people" live a secret life. Well, at least most normal people I hang around. As HE made love to me, fucking me harder than HE has in a while (ok, well last weekend HE did too, but hey, just being a bit dramatic here), I was thinking to myself, "I could see losing my soul and just becoming a hooker."
What we have is incredibly special but I can imagine that after a while, I might lose my sense of hope (hope for love, hope for future, hope for us to make it to the end together). I could imagine being so jaded that nothing phases me any longer. It makes me sad. I try really hard to see the fairytale, even though I try to be tough. I want the fairytale, so what does it mean if I'm not following the role of the princess in the fairytale? Then I think, well, whose fairytale am I following anyway?
In his perfect world, we are partners, we love, honor and respect each other, but we fuck other people, sometimes with each other, sometimes without, but at the end of the day, we stay together out of pure love. Hey, that doesn't sound so bad. And it doesn't sound soulless either. In fact, it sounds appealing in many ways.
Last night, HE yelled to me while I stepped out of the shower, "I have a box here....lube, beads, oh wow, this vibrator is really pretty, it's purple." I smiled, dried off and jumped into his bed. Candles lit, Brand New Heavies playing in the background, we made love with extra zest and extra playfulness. It was the fairytale and it was all mine. After the sex haze dissipated, my sense of the fairytale was renewed, and improved and my ability to try again was restored.
When his infidelity came to light and we began discussing having a more open relationship, to foster more honety, openness and ultimately, being who we are, naturally, I tended to focus on the fear more than the possibilities. Last night we registered a profile on a lifestyle website. It was fun and exciting and I felt partnered and loved as we came up with playful and enticing factoids and interests and descriptors. After we finished, however, it became much more real that we had started a journey on a different path.
Societal ideals are hard to penetrate. Many people do penetrate those ideals though, but most often, "normal people" live a secret life. Well, at least most normal people I hang around. As HE made love to me, fucking me harder than HE has in a while (ok, well last weekend HE did too, but hey, just being a bit dramatic here), I was thinking to myself, "I could see losing my soul and just becoming a hooker."
What we have is incredibly special but I can imagine that after a while, I might lose my sense of hope (hope for love, hope for future, hope for us to make it to the end together). I could imagine being so jaded that nothing phases me any longer. It makes me sad. I try really hard to see the fairytale, even though I try to be tough. I want the fairytale, so what does it mean if I'm not following the role of the princess in the fairytale? Then I think, well, whose fairytale am I following anyway?
In his perfect world, we are partners, we love, honor and respect each other, but we fuck other people, sometimes with each other, sometimes without, but at the end of the day, we stay together out of pure love. Hey, that doesn't sound so bad. And it doesn't sound soulless either. In fact, it sounds appealing in many ways.
Last night, HE yelled to me while I stepped out of the shower, "I have a box here....lube, beads, oh wow, this vibrator is really pretty, it's purple." I smiled, dried off and jumped into his bed. Candles lit, Brand New Heavies playing in the background, we made love with extra zest and extra playfulness. It was the fairytale and it was all mine. After the sex haze dissipated, my sense of the fairytale was renewed, and improved and my ability to try again was restored.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The List
So, every couple has a list, a celebrity list of people they would like to spend some amount of time with. The rules of the game are that if you were ever to meet that person, your partner would allow you to fuck them, or having dinner with them or whatever the act with that person is that you agree upon.
HE asked me the other day who was on my list and I couldn't for the life of me think of anyone. It seems that I am a discerning and somewhat fickle celeb lover. Men like Brendon Fraser, who was on my list starting around Encino man through George of the Jungle and all the way through The Mummy series, he somewhat abruptly dropped off the list due to his aging face and his growing belly. He's coming out with a movie soon, a ridiculous one called, Furry Vengance, and I just can't believe he was ever on my list.
Then there was Keanu. He was on my list from Parenthood, through Point Break, A Walk in the Clouds, Sweet November....ahhhhhh, despite his monotone and emotionless voice, he was so beautiful to me. But somewhere along the way his looked almost unhealthy. His pale skin contrasting with his dark hair paired with his reclusive lifestyle, made me forget about him. As I'm writing this, though, I can't seem to completely remove him, so, he's still on.
For some reason, my list has always included blondes. Now I don't really like light hair and eyes if we are just talking about looks. But blonde boys seem to have more fun. They seem to be trouble makers and that is appealing. Owen Wilson was on my list until I read all about his craziness. Craziness just doesn't do it for me. So, he was off in a flash.
Now that you see how it goes with me, here's my current list. Not necessarily in order but the first celeb is definitely number 1.
1. Martin Csokas
2. Matthew McConaughey
3. Orlando Bloom
4. David Beckham
5. Johnathon Rhys Meyers
6. Paul Bettany
7. Ralph Fiennes - the only man on the list
8. Oliver Martinez
And there are no women on my list. Of course, celebrity or not, I still choose him! This is just a game. But it is fun to play along.
HE asked me the other day who was on my list and I couldn't for the life of me think of anyone. It seems that I am a discerning and somewhat fickle celeb lover. Men like Brendon Fraser, who was on my list starting around Encino man through George of the Jungle and all the way through The Mummy series, he somewhat abruptly dropped off the list due to his aging face and his growing belly. He's coming out with a movie soon, a ridiculous one called, Furry Vengance, and I just can't believe he was ever on my list.
Then there was Keanu. He was on my list from Parenthood, through Point Break, A Walk in the Clouds, Sweet November....ahhhhhh, despite his monotone and emotionless voice, he was so beautiful to me. But somewhere along the way his looked almost unhealthy. His pale skin contrasting with his dark hair paired with his reclusive lifestyle, made me forget about him. As I'm writing this, though, I can't seem to completely remove him, so, he's still on.
For some reason, my list has always included blondes. Now I don't really like light hair and eyes if we are just talking about looks. But blonde boys seem to have more fun. They seem to be trouble makers and that is appealing. Owen Wilson was on my list until I read all about his craziness. Craziness just doesn't do it for me. So, he was off in a flash.
Now that you see how it goes with me, here's my current list. Not necessarily in order but the first celeb is definitely number 1.
1. Martin Csokas
2. Matthew McConaughey
3. Orlando Bloom
4. David Beckham
5. Johnathon Rhys Meyers
6. Paul Bettany
7. Ralph Fiennes - the only man on the list
8. Oliver Martinez
And there are no women on my list. Of course, celebrity or not, I still choose him! This is just a game. But it is fun to play along.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Happy Birthday to Me
This weekend HE took me away for my birthday. I always love it when we go away because we can focus so much more on each other therefore making us more present. There are massive amounts of sex and romance. Add a beautiful view and a slower pace and it's the perfect time together.
HE massaged my back and I offered a long time fantasy. "I have always thought it would be hot to have someone massage me then give me a happy ending," I said. "Well, let's make it happen," HE replied. I think HE meant for real, at a real massage parlor. It was an exciting thought. His warm hands worked the oil into my back and his rhythmical motions relaxed every muscle. We were naked.
As HE worked his hands lower and lower, I could feel his cock growing. When HE'd move forward to reach my upper back, his erection would slide easily between my ass cheeks. It was then that I knew what kind of happy ending I wanted. HE asked me if I wanted him to massage another part of my body. "My ass" I replied without hesitation.
Each time his hands swirled around my crack, I could feel my pussy twitch and my ass perk up like a cat in heat. HE teased me by rubbing his chest across my back. I asked him to get the anal lube. HE rubbed it onto my hole and onto his love rod. Then HE positioned himself on top of me and slid his hardness into my back door. It always takes me some time to accept him. I'm not a porn star ya know!
It was hot. I wanted him in my ass so badly. It had been a while since we played like this. We rolled over onto our sides and HE thrust himself deeper inside. HE grabbed my hips and pulled me into him. HE pumped faster and harder. I played with my clit while HE fucked me. I came so hard and all I could think about was what else I wanted. Greedy little bitch that I am...
Our whole weekend was filled with sexy and passionate fucking. Mmmm, I want more. Happy birthday to me!
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