Curiosity

What I can't wrap my head around is the reason HE tells me he cheats. "Aren't you ever curious?" HE asks. The concept of being curious as a reason to fuck others is completely understandable and easy to grasp but fucking the same someone for over a year, to me, is NOT curiosity.

Two summers ago, "Greg" approached me. I was in a class and he was the instructor. He was good looking, smart, compassionate, and powerful in his world. I was merely a student fulfilling a requirement. I was surprised that he was so forward but he asked me if, on his next visit to my town, I could be his "tour guide". Curious? Yes, I was.

What isn't curious to me is going back to the same person you used to date. What isn't curious to me is returning to that person time and time again. To me, being curious about someone is when the situation is new, uncharted territory, and all is to be discovered.

Greg told me he was married and that he loved his wife but that he wanted to get to know me. I told him that while I was flattered, that wasn't something I was interested in. He asked if I was involved with someone and I told him yes. He wanted to know more but I chose not to give him more. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be, to say no, that is. So much of my life has been to say yes, especially if someone shows an interest(but I'll save that for another post).

He emailed me a few times, when he'd come to town. I told him no thank you each time. He stopped emailing me. He said that if I ever wanted to get together, though, to email him. I erased his email. I felt good about my choice despite my curiosity.

I want to understand why HE is curious about a woman HE has known for years, who HE says HE gives nothing to except a little sex now and again. I want to understand why it is curiosity if HE already knows the contours of her body, her smell, her taste, her style, her noises, her desires. HE says HE doesn't come with her. HE says they don't really do anything but fuck and make small talk...but that it's mostly on her side. There is no wooing, no dating, no gift exchanges, no phone calling, nothing....but fucking on occasion.

I have realized over the years that curiosity is sometimes better left unsatisfied. And when someone is curious about you, flattery, even in the absence of giving into the curiosity, is as meaningful as an emotionless fuck.