Uncomplicated Fun

It isn't hard to realize why someone would cheat, or want to have other relationships besides their primary. Sometimes primaries are complicated, and difficult and you think too much, question yourself and then act out then your head hurts and you just want to run away never to be heard from again. (sigh)

Having someone new, someone you aren't invested in, can bring relief. Playing with others can bring simplicity to life. I get all that. But the heart wants what the heart wants and when you have found your match, there is no one else, or at least it feels like that. And when you fall in love with someone, I mean really fall in love, you can't just ignore the relationship when you feel tired and your head hurts.

HE is very good at compartmentalizing everything, even me, from the other parts of his life. While I sometimes resent him for this (because it makes me feel less important, less "bonafide") I envy him for having this amazing ability. But I digress.

It's fun to flirt with someone you don't care about. I have never really been a flirty girl in the sense that I flirt just for the sake of it. If I flirt, there's usually some intention behind it. I am very friendly with people and I "cut up" with people which some could mistake for flirting, but I don't really flirt unless I want something.

As I continue the aging process (ok I'm not old people, I am just right!) I don't feel like flirting by women my age is necessarily taken in the most positive way by men. To be called "Cougar" is horrifying to me so I suppose if I keep my flirting to men older than me it's alright. But ugh, older men can be tricky. Younger men are, well, less complicated. I like younger men. I can control myself with younger men and to some degree can control them. I feel younger and more playful around them.

I guess the heaviness I feel about all of this comes at the thought of still having to play the game. I thought I had passed the point of having to flirt, date, find someone, make sure I'm not "alone", feel wanted, etc. HE, obviously is not past that. I'm flirting with the idea that maybe I just give it up all together. Then again, I'm not dead yet. I still look hot most days. I am the cool chick with some very attractive features, one of which, I'm not crazy...(no, I'm really not, in fact, blogging is very good for the soul and keeps one sane, my third personality told me that! Hee hee hee)

Flirting with the idea of just being a one man woman and not worrying about what HE does, or, should I say, who HE does, seems like the most uncomplicated solution. But what's good for the goose is good for the gander....so the nursery rhyme goes. There's a part of me that wants to show him that I can get people too, that I am not limited of options either. Of course if I compete in this fashion I am not getting closer to serenity, I am merely feeding my ego. But then again someone has to!

For now, it's status quo. HE's my one and only although a little flirting may not hurt and it just might put things into perspective.