Taylor Meet Alanis

In the last post I alluded, jokingly, that I had multiple personalities. While we all have many facets to our personalities, it made me think of this see-saw effect my heart is having with my head. On the one hand, I am this early twenty-something whose ideal relationship includes the Romeo and Juliet saga of a true love that overcomes all, Taylor Swift. My head, on the other hand, is this late thirty-something who has been screwed, both literally and figuratively by an evil representative of every man on the planet and who has so much anger inside that she creates a masterpiece which earns her accolades in her industry and world-wide but that also gives her the fucked up reputation of being damaged goods...meet Alanis Morissette.

Taylor, meet Alanis! Maybe, if the two of them meet and share a cocktail, say, a Manhattan, up please, they can get to know each other and talk it out. Here's how I see this happy hour playing out:

Taylor (T): OMG, Alanis it's really you. I have loved your music all through my elementary school days...you are so smart and loving; it's so nice to meet you.

Alanis (A): Hi. Are you always this fucking perky? Manhattan please, up!

T: Ummm, yes I am, what's a Manhattan? Can I have a Shirley Temple with just a splash of vodka? But please don't tell anyone because I am really a good girl with good values and everyone loves me and wants to be me and wants to marry me... marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone...I love you and that's all you...

A: What the fuck are you singing? Sounds like some bubble gum Disney Channel bullshit.
T: Oh Alanis you are so funny. That's my hit song. Did you know I was nominated for seven teen choice awards this year?
A: Oh, great. So what is it you wanted to talk to me about?
T: Well, I wanted to know how you felt about my boyfriend wanting to date other women?
A: I say fuck him before he fucks you.
T: Oh Alanis, silly girl, we don't do that. I have a promise ring with God. I am waiting
until I'm married. And besides, our love is so strong and we are meant for each other. I just don't know what's gotten into him wanting to be with someone else.
A: Well, you said it yourself. You're not fucking him....maybe that's why he wants to be with someone else.
T: But he has a promise ring too.
A: All men are liars.
T: Wow, sounds like you know a lot.
A: Yea, well, fuck 'em all is what I say.
T: So, you think that's the answer?
A: No, but I have to remain tough so that I don't get hurt. Waitress, another cocktail please!
T: Awwwww, you will find your Romeo. All you have to do is close your eyes and click the heals of your ruby red slippers and say three times, "Our song is a slammin screen door, sneaking out late, tapping on your window...hmmm hmmm hmmm"
A: What the fuck are you singing about?
T: Oh, that was my first super big hit and it brought me so many boys to choose from that I finally found my true love.
A: Well good for you! I almost found my true love but then Scarlett Johansen came along and fucked it all up! Bitch.
T: Awwww how nice....(hiccup)
A: Are you drunk?
T: Ummmm hee hee hee no!
A: You are drunk! Lightweight!
T: Thank you so much. You know, I thought I was looking fat in this dress but now I feel like eating those sugar covered cotton balls was all worth it.
A: Well good for you....Listen, I gotta go. Good luck with your issue. All I can tell you is that men will do what they want to do whether or not you like it. Just stay true to
yourself and if they fuck you over, just write really mean songs about them. But, remember not to call them by name because that will feed their fragile fucking egos....
T: Thanks Alanis (hiccup). You are so nice......good luck with your issue too. Just remember, your Prince Charming is out there...all you have to do is wish upon a star and it will come true.
A: Ummm sure.
T: Let's do this again sometime.....see ya later!

See why I'm so confused?...still, no resolution...just two extremes and real life in between. LOL