HE Looked Beautifully Suspicious This Morning

This entry was going to start out with a clever quote about suspicion. I imagined it would give a message similar to my feeling which is "if it looks like a snake and hisses like a snake...." you get the point. But all the quotes I found talked about how only mean and corrupt people are suspicious. Hmmmm I just thought that smart people, who see all the possible angles were suspicious. Apparently I'm corrupt, mean, and don't know the meaning of pure love because I suspect....but I'll save that for another entry.

My dog pushed his front door open before I could knock. (He has a love affair with his dog but we wouldn't have it any other way now would we?) HE walked out donning cargo shorts, freshly washed tresses and a bare chest. His chest is beautifully brown and bare and I just want to push him down and fuck him hard every time I see it! HE greeted me with a smile and a hug and kiss and his very sweet "Good morning." Mmmmmm his scent fills me with lust. After the usual niceties I looked at him and of course, became immediately suspicious of his activities from last night.

Since his admission that HE sees his women on the nights we are not together, anytime HE is clean shaven on those days, I suspect HE's shaved for his date. I squint my eyes to let him know I am suspicious. I don't plan to be but it's as there's a mechanism inside me that reminds me that I would die if I was tricked into believing something that wasn't true....again.

"I shaved this morning and took a shower because my hair was itchy," HE confesses patiently. I know when his face is cleanly shaven and his was not. I challenged him. "I didn't use my regular razor," HE says. I open my mouth to repond when I remember that it really doesn't matter. I can chase him around all day long but the fact remains, if HE wants to be dishonest with me, HE will be. Why can't I get that through my head?

When I'm being totally reasonable, I tell myself that even if HE fucks someone else, HE keeps coming back to me. That in and of itself is something huge! And our sex life is amazing, still, after all this time. But my self doubt keeps creeping in to remind me that maybe he keeps coming bak only because I am stupid enough to hang around. Seriously, there is no one I know (maybe my friend base needs broadening) that would stick around while their man fucks other women twice a month or so.

So, most of the time self doubt wins. Sometimes, it doesn't. Sometimes I'm able to exhale, enjoy life as it comes and believe that no matter what, I will always get what I want in this life.

For now, HE is what I truly want and I can't wait to get him alone, tonight, and have my way with him.

"Suspicion is a heavy armor and with its weight it impedes more than it protects." Robert Burns