HE Looked Beautifully Suspicious This Morning

This entry was going to start out with a clever quote about suspicion. I imagined it would give a message similar to my feeling which is "if it looks like a snake and hisses like a snake...." you get the point. But all the quotes I found talked about how only mean and corrupt people are suspicious. Hmmmm I just thought that smart people, who see all the possible angles were suspicious. Apparently I'm corrupt, mean, and don't know the meaning of pure love because I suspect....but I'll save that for another entry.

My dog pushed his front door open before I could knock. (He has a love affair with his dog but we wouldn't have it any other way now would we?) HE walked out donning cargo shorts, freshly washed tresses and a bare chest. His chest is beautifully brown and bare and I just want to push him down and fuck him hard every time I see it! HE greeted me with a smile and a hug and kiss and his very sweet "Good morning." Mmmmmm his scent fills me with lust. After the usual niceties I looked at him and of course, became immediately suspicious of his activities from last night.

Since his admission that HE sees his women on the nights we are not together, anytime HE is clean shaven on those days, I suspect HE's shaved for his date. I squint my eyes to let him know I am suspicious. I don't plan to be but it's as there's a mechanism inside me that reminds me that I would die if I was tricked into believing something that wasn't true....again.

"I shaved this morning and took a shower because my hair was itchy," HE confesses patiently. I know when his face is cleanly shaven and his was not. I challenged him. "I didn't use my regular razor," HE says. I open my mouth to repond when I remember that it really doesn't matter. I can chase him around all day long but the fact remains, if HE wants to be dishonest with me, HE will be. Why can't I get that through my head?

When I'm being totally reasonable, I tell myself that even if HE fucks someone else, HE keeps coming back to me. That in and of itself is something huge! And our sex life is amazing, still, after all this time. But my self doubt keeps creeping in to remind me that maybe he keeps coming bak only because I am stupid enough to hang around. Seriously, there is no one I know (maybe my friend base needs broadening) that would stick around while their man fucks other women twice a month or so.

So, most of the time self doubt wins. Sometimes, it doesn't. Sometimes I'm able to exhale, enjoy life as it comes and believe that no matter what, I will always get what I want in this life.

For now, HE is what I truly want and I can't wait to get him alone, tonight, and have my way with him.

"Suspicion is a heavy armor and with its weight it impedes more than it protects." Robert Burns

My First Day Back

My vacations are usually linked to a work-related trip mostly because I travel for my job but secondly because it is a cost effective way to go. Taking two non work-related vacations in the same summer is unheard of for me. But, for the past month, I think I have worked a total of seven days. So, going back today, after all that wonderful time off, was definitely a chore.

The goal was to get up, get out and be back home by five. I got home at almost seven and I didn't actually walk into my office until almost nine. Ugh! Monday and only four whole days to go before I can take another break.

My outlook was different today. I was relaxed, clear headed and ready to be ultra productive. Then, as if it was National Asshole Day, the really obnoxious jerks in the building all seemed to need to speak with me urgently. Obviously these people need a holiday and they were desperate to punish me for taking one! But I smiled, and told them to "fuck off", in my own, politically correct way. It was a refreshing approach to some old problems.

When I finally arrived home, I was eager to walk into my freshly cleaned house only to discover that my housekeeper didn't arrive. Ugh....more work for me at least for another week. Dinner was finally served, by me of course, then I headed outside to work on a patio furniture project. The redwood stain I bought was actually red. Huh! I was looking for more of a clear water proofing product. Lost in translation I guess. Oh well, so I'll have extra reddish redwood furniture. Maybe I'll start a trend.

Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

I spoke to him only once today. A little distance is good....I love him.

HE, We and I

We are missing the "we" in our relationship. The "we" component used to be so strong. There was no question in my mind; I had no doubts about anything and I don't think HE did either. Now, although we are still very much in tact, it seems more like "HE" and "I". I constantly try to navigate around his moodiness and HE constantly tries to stay out of my emotional "shit storm" as HE calls it. We are very cautious of the other. We want to be together because we still are and we still try hard to be good partners to each other. But, since I scavenged the message from his phone and found out that there was not only one but at least six in six years, "we" have been scrambling for balance.

I am really trying to forget about him and just concentrate on me. I remind myself that HE said they take up less than 1% of his life. And I have quit looking too deeply for signs, of anything really. (I do believe everything, every action, every word, every good intention, has a purpose and a meaning.) And I'm waiting...waiting for us to dust off our "we" and get back to the solid foundation that we built our relationship upon.

Once HE told me that the way HE got rid of women was to slowly back away until they became so frustrated they left. I can see how that works now. But HE will never do that to me. Hopefully because HE truly doesn't want to retreat to the point that we are so miserable that I scream "I quit". But even more so, HE won't do that to me because I won't let him. Fuck that shit! If HE wants out HE can man up and say it to my face. Who does HE think HE's dealing with anyway!?

HE told me to find the beauty instead of see the ugly parts. The ugly parts are just easier to see now that the "we" has been put away in some closet in one of our houses waiting to be dusted off and put to good use again. I do see the beauty but I want more of it. The beauty in our relationship is certainly a big part of nurturing the "we".

We will see each other tonight. Maybe HE will bring the "we" and I will bring the wine.

A Kiss

There was a moment last night, in the midst of the crowd, band revelling in their recreation of great songs by rock gods, and I kissed him. It was soft, and sweet, and it lingered, and HE slipped his tongue into my mouth and it gave me a thrill, and my mouth watered and for that moment, the world disappeared except for us. HE looked into my eyes after, we smiled, and I turned around and we re-engaged with the band and their fans.

It isn't gone. It's far from gone. It is just beginning.

May Loneliness and I Never Be Intimate Lovers

One of my greatest fears is to be old and lonely. There, I said it. I feel weak saying it but it is true and best to get it out there than to hold it in and pretend it's a lie. What I realized is the only way to get to know Loneliness and really feel his grip tightly, is to remain idle, do nothing and let him in.

If I keep moving, keep my mind stimulated, then Loneliness will never become my partner. He will never find me, will never get to know me and will never keep me company. At least that's how I think it works. But there are still some details to be worked out with my theory.

I have felt lonely amongst a crowd I was performing for. I have felt lonely when HE has been with me all day. It doesn't make sense. I guess one could say, "Loneliness is a state of mind"?

If that's the case then is it as simple as making the choice not to feel that way? Must try next time it creeps up on me. I've only been back from vacay for 24 hours but I have been alone for that time. I haven't felt lonely once. I have kept myself busy and engaged.

Part of my fear is that my crabbiness will push everyone away and no one will want to be close to me. But how do I just stop being crabby when I'm tired, or hungry, or pissed, or irritated? Is it just part of my make up as a human being and no matter what I try it will always be part of me? What about my anger? Oh....I have anger issues although they are subsiding over time. Will my anger isolate me into loneliness?

In the past during coitus with a lover, I have felt lonely. I almost never feel lonely when I'm walking on the beach alone, or when I'm sleeping, or when I'm listening to music.

I wonder if HE ever feels lonely when we are together? I imagine HE does when we are arguing or when HE feels unheard or accused.

May Loneliness and I never be intimate lovers. May we only be distant acquaintances who only bump into each other once in a while as a reminder that Life is short so each day should be played out to the fullest and that worrying about stupid shit should be left for stupid people.

A Little Costa Rican Nookie

We have never taken a trip together with our kids. Maybe it's because we want all that time to ourselves because every day we are bombarded with responsibilities that the ex parental units fail to give. Or, maybe we haven't taken them on a trip before because we knew that once we landed they'd be hounding us to do something completely different than what we placed on the itenerary. Or maybe we haven't taken them all on a trip because, well, it's just more work.

So we are here, in Costa Rica, with the three of them, and to say the least, we are focused solely on them. Since we've been here we've had one tiny encounter with each other which ended up in the quickest session of sex that we've ever experienced. It was nice though....very nice! Just as I was dozing from an exhausting day, and I literally mean exhaust-ing (damn SUV pumped Deisel vapors into the car and I'm convinced it made us all tired) driving from one city to the other. HE spooned me as if to fall asleep when I felt his warm hand wander down from my clothed tits to my pantied privates. HE softly rubbed my pussy over my cotton thong and it felt wonderful.

HE stimulated my clit and because I was already pent up, pussy instantaneously soaked the crotch of my panties. I remembered that noise was a huge "no no" as the walls in this villa we rented stopped about three-quarters up. My sole focus was on his touch. Behind me I felt his cock grow to an unusually large size. Must be the lack of sex we've had since we arrived in this tropical paradise. I reached behind me and stroked him through is shorts.

HE slipped his hand under my panties and I almost came the first moment his fingertips penetrated my crevace. I didn't want it to end so soon though so I slid out from under his reach. As HE pulled his shorts off, I gripped his unusually large erection and as my mouth began to water, slid the head of it inbetween my lips. Mmmmmmmm, HE tasted so good. I licked him and sucked him slowly, making sure to cover every inch of him. I stroked him as my mouth rode up and down on the shaft. I could feel his excitement as HE grew rock hard. Part of me wanted to make him come with my mouth but I also wanted to feel him deep inside my desperate hole.

HE climbed on top of me, framing my torso with his arms, and kissing my tits, nipples hardening under his tongue. I could feel the head of his cock dance around my pussy. As HE teased me a bit longer, we kissed ever so lightly and rubbed noses and chests.

When HE entered me, HE dipped in just a little, then a little further, then a little further, then, with a deliberate motion, HE plunged his manhood all the way in as if HE was trying to test my ability to stay quiet. That was the moment, had we been child free, the other villa inhabitants would have heard a different kind of animal screaming from the treetops!

I feel like I'm in another world when HE fucks me. The orgasm is intense....but it's especially so when you know you have to be quiet. After I came HE whispered into my ear that HE would roll over and let me go to sleep. I didn't want him to but it wasn't like we could go all night.....kids!

I'm glad we are vacationing with the kids. The desire for him grows each day and I look forward to getting back home, sans the kids, so I can show him how much I missed our usual weekend together.

Taylor Meet Alanis

In the last post I alluded, jokingly, that I had multiple personalities. While we all have many facets to our personalities, it made me think of this see-saw effect my heart is having with my head. On the one hand, I am this early twenty-something whose ideal relationship includes the Romeo and Juliet saga of a true love that overcomes all, Taylor Swift. My head, on the other hand, is this late thirty-something who has been screwed, both literally and figuratively by an evil representative of every man on the planet and who has so much anger inside that she creates a masterpiece which earns her accolades in her industry and world-wide but that also gives her the fucked up reputation of being damaged goods...meet Alanis Morissette.

Taylor, meet Alanis! Maybe, if the two of them meet and share a cocktail, say, a Manhattan, up please, they can get to know each other and talk it out. Here's how I see this happy hour playing out:

Taylor (T): OMG, Alanis it's really you. I have loved your music all through my elementary school days...you are so smart and loving; it's so nice to meet you.

Alanis (A): Hi. Are you always this fucking perky? Manhattan please, up!

T: Ummm, yes I am, what's a Manhattan? Can I have a Shirley Temple with just a splash of vodka? But please don't tell anyone because I am really a good girl with good values and everyone loves me and wants to be me and wants to marry me... marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone...I love you and that's all you...

A: What the fuck are you singing? Sounds like some bubble gum Disney Channel bullshit.
T: Oh Alanis you are so funny. That's my hit song. Did you know I was nominated for seven teen choice awards this year?
A: Oh, great. So what is it you wanted to talk to me about?
T: Well, I wanted to know how you felt about my boyfriend wanting to date other women?
A: I say fuck him before he fucks you.
T: Oh Alanis, silly girl, we don't do that. I have a promise ring with God. I am waiting
until I'm married. And besides, our love is so strong and we are meant for each other. I just don't know what's gotten into him wanting to be with someone else.
A: Well, you said it yourself. You're not fucking him....maybe that's why he wants to be with someone else.
T: But he has a promise ring too.
A: All men are liars.
T: Wow, sounds like you know a lot.
A: Yea, well, fuck 'em all is what I say.
T: So, you think that's the answer?
A: No, but I have to remain tough so that I don't get hurt. Waitress, another cocktail please!
T: Awwwww, you will find your Romeo. All you have to do is close your eyes and click the heals of your ruby red slippers and say three times, "Our song is a slammin screen door, sneaking out late, tapping on your window...hmmm hmmm hmmm"
A: What the fuck are you singing about?
T: Oh, that was my first super big hit and it brought me so many boys to choose from that I finally found my true love.
A: Well good for you! I almost found my true love but then Scarlett Johansen came along and fucked it all up! Bitch.
T: Awwww how nice....(hiccup)
A: Are you drunk?
T: Ummmm hee hee hee no!
A: You are drunk! Lightweight!
T: Thank you so much. You know, I thought I was looking fat in this dress but now I feel like eating those sugar covered cotton balls was all worth it.
A: Well good for you....Listen, I gotta go. Good luck with your issue. All I can tell you is that men will do what they want to do whether or not you like it. Just stay true to
yourself and if they fuck you over, just write really mean songs about them. But, remember not to call them by name because that will feed their fragile fucking egos....
T: Thanks Alanis (hiccup). You are so nice......good luck with your issue too. Just remember, your Prince Charming is out there...all you have to do is wish upon a star and it will come true.
A: Ummm sure.
T: Let's do this again sometime.....see ya later!

See why I'm so confused?...still, no resolution...just two extremes and real life in between. LOL

Uncomplicated Fun

It isn't hard to realize why someone would cheat, or want to have other relationships besides their primary. Sometimes primaries are complicated, and difficult and you think too much, question yourself and then act out then your head hurts and you just want to run away never to be heard from again. (sigh)

Having someone new, someone you aren't invested in, can bring relief. Playing with others can bring simplicity to life. I get all that. But the heart wants what the heart wants and when you have found your match, there is no one else, or at least it feels like that. And when you fall in love with someone, I mean really fall in love, you can't just ignore the relationship when you feel tired and your head hurts.

HE is very good at compartmentalizing everything, even me, from the other parts of his life. While I sometimes resent him for this (because it makes me feel less important, less "bonafide") I envy him for having this amazing ability. But I digress.

It's fun to flirt with someone you don't care about. I have never really been a flirty girl in the sense that I flirt just for the sake of it. If I flirt, there's usually some intention behind it. I am very friendly with people and I "cut up" with people which some could mistake for flirting, but I don't really flirt unless I want something.

As I continue the aging process (ok I'm not old people, I am just right!) I don't feel like flirting by women my age is necessarily taken in the most positive way by men. To be called "Cougar" is horrifying to me so I suppose if I keep my flirting to men older than me it's alright. But ugh, older men can be tricky. Younger men are, well, less complicated. I like younger men. I can control myself with younger men and to some degree can control them. I feel younger and more playful around them.

I guess the heaviness I feel about all of this comes at the thought of still having to play the game. I thought I had passed the point of having to flirt, date, find someone, make sure I'm not "alone", feel wanted, etc. HE, obviously is not past that. I'm flirting with the idea that maybe I just give it up all together. Then again, I'm not dead yet. I still look hot most days. I am the cool chick with some very attractive features, one of which, I'm not crazy...(no, I'm really not, in fact, blogging is very good for the soul and keeps one sane, my third personality told me that! Hee hee hee)

Flirting with the idea of just being a one man woman and not worrying about what HE does, or, should I say, who HE does, seems like the most uncomplicated solution. But what's good for the goose is good for the gander....so the nursery rhyme goes. There's a part of me that wants to show him that I can get people too, that I am not limited of options either. Of course if I compete in this fashion I am not getting closer to serenity, I am merely feeding my ego. But then again someone has to!

For now, it's status quo. HE's my one and only although a little flirting may not hurt and it just might put things into perspective.

The Far Away Place

Snot and tears slid from my face to wet his shirt in polka dots as my head rested on his chest. HE held me as I realized that my anger towards him was all about my dad. When HE gets quiet, when HE fails to look at me when I speak to him, when it seems that although we are spending time together, his mind is somewhere else it takes me back to that dark, all too familiar place. My tumultuous house with Mommy and Daddy.

Mommy was always yelling at Daddy and Daddy was always checking out emotionally. "Look at me, look at me," I often wanted to scream at him. I was eight and visiting my friend down the street. I rode my electric blue two wheeler with the banana seat to her house and was proud because not too soon before this visit, I had taken the training wheels off. It poured, as most Florida summer rains do. The showers come from nowhere and dump inches at a time and within an hour or two, it is as clear as if nothing happened.

The shower began and all I knew is that I had to get home and quick! I picked up my bike and jumped on. I didn't look where I was going I just made a bee line for home. My mommy had walked out the front door to call me in when she saw what I didn't. A truck was driving towards me as I crossed the street without watching. I heard her scream and my daddy ran right through the glass door to save me. I was fine but my daddy's hands were filled with glass.

When I recount that memory I think that he must love me otherwise why would he rush so much to save me that he didn't think to open the door? Other than that one, there are only a couple more memories where I felt like my daddy made an effort to make me feel important.

So, as I lay sobbing on his chest after our argument, I realized that all my anger, all my fears, all my insecurities rested in the plentiful childhood memories of how my father took short cuts, made empty promises, was physically present but emotionally absent, yet was filled with good intentions. Sometimes I worry that HE will treat me that way as well.

My daddy has no idea how I feel about all of this. We've never discussed his behavior, his silence, his absence. He lives in a world where life is peachy and the child is the one that must put in most of the work. He loves me, but from a far away place that has left me feeling empty, cold and scared to death to trust even him.

The Quiet Side

Last night we had a date (giggle giggle). I was super excited to see him because, well because it was Thursday and that is usually the beginning of my dating week. No melt downs, by me, (always by me) and I was just more at peace with the world so I didn't really bug him too much during the week. HE stood at the door and smiled at me as I walked through. I love it when HE smiles at me. His eyes sparkle and crinkle around the edges and I feel so warm and gushy inside. I always say it must be true love because HE can still evoke that reaction in me just from something as simple as a smile.

I could tell HE was still adjusting from his work mind to his love mind as we ate fish tacos and nachos at a local dive. We talked and soaked in the cool, moist ocean night. Afterwards, HE got an icecream sundae which we ate on the way to our next stop which was a bar in the next neighborhood over. A fellow musician was playing in his jazz alternative band so we showed up to lend support. The evening was pleasant and fun and just when I wasn't looking, HE pulled me close to him and put his arm around me. Ahhhhhhh, it was heaven. I was giggly inside. Eating and bar hopping are always foreplay for us. And after we are warmed up, the real party begins!

The lovemaking is always supreme but last night was extra so! We fell asleep and for the first time all week I slept soundly.

Does HE notices when I'm quiet. Most of the time I don't even notice it but last night, I just felt quiet. My mind was quiet. My heart was quiet. It felt really good. And the world around me seemed peaceful. Was it a result of my mood or was I just noticing that it can be peaceful and happy at the same time?

The quiet side of me is a side I'm not that familiar with but one that enjoys and revels in the beauty a lot more than the usual side of me does. Maybe I'll pull that side out more often and let her go on the dates and see the shows and spend the time with him. And who knows, maybe HE will fall in love all over again.

My Life As A Pie Chart

To gain perspective I asked him, "What percentage, would you say, your canoodling represents if you entire life equals 100%?" "Ummm, I don't know, 1% I guess," HE responded. So I started breaking that down. Out of 24 hours each day, that would mean HE spent 14.4 minutes a day, just over 7 hours a month, thinking about, scheduling, talking, fucking....others. That seemed high to me if everything HE told me was true and since we've reached a new understanding, I believe him.

I began breaking down my own life and, right off the bat, most of my time is spent working and sleeping! After those two chunks are subtracted from my "bank", I only have three full days left. OMG...three days to do everything I want to do in life, each week...that is not a lot.

This made me think of all the things I have on my "to do" list and how it's no wonder I feel overwhelmed and dissatisfied sometimes. 72 hours to solve the world's problems and become a self-realized person...oh, and contribute to a positive, healthy and happy love affair. Whew, I'm tired just thinking of all that. But there's no more time for sleeping, in fact, I think I might try to shave off an hour or two of my sleeping each night so that I have more time to frolic and play!

After the reality of what little time I actually have left, I began thinking of all the time I spend worrying, fretting, and complaining (which I do more than is necessary, just ask him!). Since nothing terrible has ever happened to me (yes I am thankful for this but I am also complacent with life as a result) I take for granted this time. I lounge, relax, and sit around way too much.

The thing about all of this is this: I must stop worrying about what HE does, who HE chooses to do it with, and start living and breathing the small amount of time I have to work with. Well, I'm off to make my life list. Maybe I will share it in a future post.

The Day After Independance Day

It was the day after July 4, 2000. It was the new millennium and the night before, I sat on the beach, with my family, thinking about him. I had hoped that one day we'd be together on holidays celebrating as most couples in love would. That was a long night.

We had plans the next night, once all obligations had been filled. We could focus on each other and we did. We were lying together, post coitus, and HE looked into my eyes and said, "You know I'm falling in love with you don't you?" I was shocked. On my calendar, in March, I had marked the exact day when I knew I was in love with him but that was a secret I would never tell first. And there it was, the confession of a man in love...and it was for me!

"Did I say something wrong," HE asked. "No, I just...." uhhhh, I was shocked. I was speechless. I had never expected that to come from his lips, so soon. I told him that I was in love with him too and the rest of the night was a blissful celebration that we felt the same way.

I don't recall any romantic event in my lifetime like I recall that moment. We don't celebrate anniversaries but if we were to do so, July 5th would certainly be the day to remember.

Gifts

Clearly I have failed to see that gifts come in all shapes and sizes. Gifts are not only material bobbles and tokens but words and gestures. It dawned on me yesterday that I have been treating his words and gestures as gifts but ones that are defined and picked out in advance. Then, when I get them all listed in my head I spew them out to him and demand that HE get them for me. What a brat!

Enlightenment comes when it comes!

If I could treat everything from him as if it were truly a gift, I would be much more satisfied with the outcome of our relationship. When HE chooses to tell me HE loves me, or HE chooses to caress my arm, or HE chooses to kiss me passionately, I should receive them as I do a prettily wrapped box donning a sparkly bow!

When I complain that HE doesn't do something or say something in the way I want to receive it, I can see how it takes all the fun out of giving it. That's why HE doesn't give as much sometimes.

Well what do you know? She is evolving.

Melancholy Queries

Thinking about the negative outcome our date had last night, I can't help but think to myself, "He's just not that into you." I actually fell asleep with my arms around him and the last words I said were, "I really hate you sometimes."

How can I get past the pain of knowing HE fucks other women?

How can I let it go?

How is HE able to be happy about the pain HE has caused and the damage HE has done for our wonderful relationship?

Why does HE choose not to talk about it with me?

Will HE be honest with me in the future or is HE just a liar that is pleased with the way HE conducts his life?

Why can't I find beauty in his actions even if they don't present themselves in the way I understand them?

What's gonna happen tonight?

When will the cycle turn upward toward the good, positive, romantic, fun?

I feel really bad about everything at this moment. Ugh.....

The Diamond Still Makes Me Cry

My hairdresser just received an amazingly beautiful ring for her 20th anniversary. I didn't notice it until she was blowing me out. "OMG, did you get a new ring?" I said. "Yeeeeeessss, I got a big girl ring for my 20th," she gushed. She told the story of how she had always wanted a bigger, better ring for some momentous anniversary and how this one was the one. Come to find out, she actually picked it out, made the deal, then told her husband where to go and what to buy. Not very romantic huh?

In my world, and in his, you don't tell your partner to buy you anything. You don't specify what make, model and price range. It just takes all the fun out of gift giving. And who doesn't like a surprise when they open the package!?

But, there is just something about that whole ring exchange that makes me want it. Not the diamond, necessarily, but the desire to want to give it to me. And it's not just the ring.

Once, HE had an opportunity to make a dedication on a CD HE recorded. HE didn't dedicate it to me. I was crushed. HE dedicated it to his daughters. I get that. But then HE recorded another and he didn't make one to me then either.

It has always been part of my fairytale for my Prince Charming to profess his love for me around every turn. Yes, I get that idea from Hollywood. That never happens in real life right?

I have no doubt that we have more romance, fun, friendship and happiness in our relationship than does my hairdresser, but I want all the other stuff too. Is that too much to ask?

Who's Crying Now

It's been a mystery and still they try to see
Why somethin' good can hurt so bad
Caught on a one-way street, the taste of bittersweet
Love will survive somehow, some way

One love feeds the fire
One heart burns desire
I wonder, who's cryin' now
Two hearts born to run
Who'll be the lonely one
I wonder, who's cryin' now

So many stormy nights, so many wrongs or rights
Neither could change their headstrong ways
And in a lover's rage, they tore another page
The fightin' is worth the love they save...

Only so many tears you can cry
'Til the heartache is over
And now you can say your love
Will never die

By: Journey...I never connected with this song until the road trip to Wyoming. It speaks to me. This is where I am in my relationship. HE says that I must have drama and angst and hurdles in order to feel love.

This love affair is so different from what I expected. WE are totally "two hearts born to run" but we slammed right into each other and I know that HE feels like I do, that I am his match, for better or worse.