All the World is a Stage

I'm watching American Idol tonight. Usher was the guest tonight and as her was coaching one of the contestants he said, "Honesty is what the audience appreciates." I know what he's talking about in music. There's that moment, when you connect with the song and your performance connects with the audience and you feel a bit naked but then, when the accolades are tossed in your direction you see that being honest wasn't so hard after all and in fact it encourages you to be more honest next time you perform.

I remember when we first began dating. HE encouraged me to be honest about who I was and what I had experienced in my life. HE didn't say, "Hey, I encourage you to be honest..." but HE did in how he treated me and communicated with me. HE'd give me a piece of himself and I wouldn't think bad of him so I gave him a piece of me...and HE accepted me too. So the more encouragement I felt, the more honest I became....to a point.

My past had never encouraged honesty. I learned how to hide within myself in order to protect my dreams, my actions, and most of all, my dignity. I was never taken seriously as an individual until I met him. Seriously. It sounds weird and untrue but it is absolutely the thing that scared me most about him. HE took me seriously and I knew HE was the real deal.

The night I mustered the courage to tell him a "deep dark secret" we were in the middle of dinner at a Louisiana style restaurant. We sat across from each other and it was there that I told him of a one night stand where I not only cheated on my husband, but also on my boyfriend! I kinda see the humor in that whole scene now but I have never told anyone about that time in my life and at that time, I thought that was the worst thing anyone could have done. It was definitely a low point in that I wasn't very nice or loyal to the ones who loved me. But HE looked into my eyes and said, "That's ok..." and then we talked about how I was learning about life and myself. I cried. HE kinda chuckled.

There have been many moments where we have connected with each other in honesty and it always feels really good and in many ways surprising. It is one of the only times where vulnerability actually feels like it's the right emotion.

Honesty is difficult for me. I think at one point it was for him too. But HE gets me. HE understands that when I get scared my instinct is to hide. And through it all, HE still accepts me and HE still encourages me to be honest...and that's better than any standing ovation!