100 Different Ways

Him: "I don't know what else to say; I've told you how I feel."
Me: "Well, can you tell me again? Maybe a different way this time."
Him: "No."
Me: "But, if you could just try, I might be able to understand."
Him: "I've already told you in a 100 different ways and you still don't get it. I can't enlighten you. Enlightenment will come when it comes."
Me: "Ok...but if you can figure out a way to tell me differently, I'd really appreciate it."

When we have this conversation it's usually related to a subject that is clear to him and not so much to me. HE is frustrated that I don't get it and I am frustrated that HE seems to give up on helping me to understand. But to be fair, it's not his job to make me "see".

I understand that you can't make another person see what you see. I also understand that people learn in different ways. For example, I am a visual person. If I can't see it, I can't understand it without repetition. HE can read it once, hear it once, see it once, and he gets it....really he does.

When I think about all the ways HE tells me HE loves me it isn't only in one way. HE tells me in a 100 different ways.

When HE looks into my eyes and the edges of his crinkle with what seem to be the beginnings of crows feet, HE says, "I love you." When HE reaches across the dinner table to take my hand in his...he says it. When HE strokes my hair while we're watching a movie, or kisses my temple while we're in a crowded room, HE tells me. When HE laughs with me when we're lazing about in bed, or when HE whispers in my ear...I feel his love.

There are so many ways to get a message across. I just want to know, to really know, that HE won't give up trying to meet me in the middle of understanding each other. I want to feel confident that even if we disagree, we will still try to be the best partner that we can be to each other.

When I flip the proverbial coin upside down, though, I see that maybe I understand his message only when my mind and heart are open. When I'm ready to receive the message, maybe only then will I. Maybe this is why HE says that HE can't tell me in a different way. Maybe HE realizes that HE has given me the 100 ways but I am not ready to receive it. HE sees that there's something in the way preventing me from really getting the message HE'S trying to send.

It is only when I reach the unconscious competence level of learning that I can truly understand and change. Most of the time I operate at a conscious incompetence level of understanding. I know what are my flaws and shortcomings, am committed to fixing it, see the benefits of fixing it, but can't yet practice the new behaviour all the time. Ok, well, I also operate at the unconscious incompetence level...who am I kidding! But I try...everyday.

HE sees that I do. I see him too, in 100 different ways.