We both want to feel like we are good enough for our partners, for each other. And we are good enough for our partners but our issues keep us from feeling like we are in the midst of hard issues. And we love each other but we don't communicate very well. In fact, our communication has worsened over the past three years.
HE has told me that HE's turned me into his mother, always being cautious about what HE says and does around me to avoid an emotional response. HE's admitted to physically and emotionally withdrawing. And HE's told me that HE believes I've turned him into my father, just waiting to see how HE will abandon me and make me feel terrible. So, what do we do?
HE will not go to counseling again. I cannot speak to him about it because, well, I think HE is distancing himself from me. Not too long ago I asked him if HE wanted a break. HE said that it hurt his feelings tremendously. I didn't understand why. I was seriously thinking HE wanted to be away from me because, well, that's how I have felt for a long time now. It's confusing to me, his behavior and his words.
Now I sit here realizing that how HE feels about me could ultimately be the death of our relationship. How can HE ever feel about me what HE once did if HE sees me as his mother? All of a sudden it feels like I am everything HE has always said HE didn't want and would not put up with.
My heart really hurts tonight. But his honesty and his forthrightness gives me hope that maybe we can really start to heal now.
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