Faith

How can I ever have faith that HE won't continue lying and cheating and hurting my feelings when so many things, and almost every single woman HE knows conjures up a gutteral sickness in my belly and in my heart?  Why can't I move past his indiscretions and give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that HE will tell the truth about wanting to and seeing others?

Is it too much to ask that I have a faithful, respectful and honest partner?  Yes, I know how hard it is to be those things.  I'm not perfect either.  But I have come a long way.  And I feel that my behavior is nothing but faithful to him. 

Why would HE want me to stick around if HE truly wants others?  Why would HE continue to lie to me if HE knows how damaging it is to our future? 

I wish I was the type of person who could look beyond major and minor fuck ups.  I read all the time that in order to forgive, one must forgive themselves first.  I am my toughest critic but isn't that the exact reason that I have come so far?  If I wasn't hard on myself, I would be in a much different place...maybe I wouldn't be as successful. 

Every day is so tiring when I feel like I do today.  I just want to quit.  I have very little faith right now that things are going to change.  Yet, my feelings for him stay strong and true.