Quotes and Relationships

Busy in my own head while at a "team-building" retreat for work (ra ra go team! ugh!)  I learned more about myself and my relationship than I thought possible at a work retreat.  Below are some quotes and my reflections about my relationship with him:

If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.  African Proverb

Alone is what we are when we hold onto secrets.  Fast is the speed of volatile emotions when those secrets come to light.  Far is where we've been and where we're going especially if we decide to allow the other to be themselves, accept the other faults and all, and actively pursue bringing each other more into ourselves for better understanding and friendship.  Fast is the past.  Far is the future.  (Kaye T.)

Act your way into a new way of thinking.  Kevin Buck

We have reached a new understanding in our relationship.  I understand that HE will fuck other people whether or not I like it.  I am still not sure how to think, feel or act about this.  But, instead of mull over the past, the hurt, the lack of partnership in all of this, I must move into the future with this man I have fallen deeply in love with and spent the last decade of my life with.  I am acting like it is all good.  Everyday is a new day and sometimes I don't do such a great job at this but "fake it 'til you make it" comes to mind.  

One of the most challenging things in a relationship is realizing that the other person is NOT you. Kevin Buck

I know this intellectually, but I do not know this emotionally.  If we match, then we see the world in the same way.  If we love each other, then we see in each other what we see in ourselves.  If we want to be together "forever" then we finish each others' sentences, thoughts, dreams, etc.  Right?  Ummm, no.  But if we are so different, doesn't that mean that there's a better chance of us breaking up, "growing apart", or possibly falling in love with someone else? 

This statement, all on it's own, is probably the single most frightening statement someone can say to me.  Maybe I'm afraid that my partner will find out that I don't know myself or that I am boring or lazy or not driven or that maybe I still seek validation from others or that I need reassurance because my self esteem is not as high as his.  Or maybe I'm just afraid that I might outgrow him, that if I let go I might find something in him that I don't want to tolerate or that HE might not want me anymore if I grow too much.  

Maybe change scares the shit out of me and if we are individuals, not linked by a common thought, a common dream, a common anything, then I must keep finding new ways to redefine myself and be interesting.  Or, and this is the last or, maybe I over think everything because this man is seriously my match and it won't matter what I do, or HE does, we will be the exception and not the rule and I am scared to death to see what happens if we are the rule. 

I do believe, though, that if we become the same person, with the same dreams and hopes and thoughts, that we will become the rule and cease being the exception.  Be brave Kaye T.