Focus

Often times I feel that I lack focus.  I can focus and I do focus on a daily basis, depending on what I'm doing, but I can't focus on one thing for too long.  It is a defect.  I believe that if I focus too much on one thing I will miss something else.  Recently, I was cleaning out my filing cabinet when I realized that I had taken a trip down memory lane.  It felt like I had been at it for hours.  If I was, so what?  But I immediately dropped what I was doing to call him.  For whatever reason I needed to feel connected.  Weird.

Can a person be too focused on a task?  I think it's possible.  HE says that I get mad at him when HE's really busy and doesn't have time for me.  Usually HE's focusing on work or some project when HE says this.  My mind just doesn't work like his.  I don't focus as much as HE does on anything.......except on him.

Contemplation lead me to believe that I focus way too much on him.  It's not obsession but it's an extreme distraction.  It's fear and hope and desire and love and business and planning and the future and the present and the past all rolled up into one big thought process.  HE notices it and so do I.  Why do I care what HE does when we're not together?  Why do I care at all what HE does as long as when we are together HE is good to me?

I must narrow my focus on him and broaden it on everything else.  Maybe it's what will equalize all the emotions that have been ruling my life  for the last couple of years.  Maybe meditation will help.  I'll keep you posted.