Am I A Cowgirl?

"Do you think you're a cowgirl?" HE asked after I'd forwarded the article from Mistress Matisse's Journal. I wanted to spit venom and shout, "How could I be labeled a cowgirl when all along you never admitted that you were polyamorous you cheating fuck!" Oh but how wrong that would have been.

"Are you polyamorous?" I asked adding that it would be HE who would have to decide whether or not I was trying with all my might to convert him to monogamy as the article defined.

"I am non-manogamous, as I've always said," HE reminds me. The difference, HE goes on to explain is that HE is in love with me and only wants to fuck others, occasionally, for fun...not to have relationships or find love elsewhere.

"I don't know what I am at this point," I say. How can I proclaim to be monogamous when I've cheated on every man I've dated for over six months? I love men. I just don't know how I feel about the whole open relationship topic. Part of me wants desperately to try it so that I can see it's no big deal and move on with things. Part of me fears that even trying it will lead to unhappiness and the eventual demise of our relationship so I don't want to fuck with that. Be careful what you ask for, and all of that...

We agreed that we wanted each other for partners and no one else. We agreed that love had landed and was here to stay, between us. We agreed that sex with others is just for the adventure of it all.

While it would be wonderful to control the world, it would also be a very boring and unfulfilling reality. I don't want to convert him to be anything. I just want him for who HE is; I want him to love me like only HE can, and honor me and bring excitement to our life together. And I want to live a full life and have him to share it all with. Simple.