The Moment We Met

Love at first sight was never an idea to which I subscribed. How can you meet someone and instantly know you are in love with them? You would be trusting your whole emotional self to the physical person. There would be no opportunity to get to know their deep dark secrets, their perversions, their bad habits, vices, contradictions.

But when HE first walked through the door, and I shook his hand, I began believing that something like love at first sight existed. His warm hand enveloped mine in the way a perfect handshake from man to woman does. All the right parts of our palms and digits touched from the squeezing action. The squeezing itself was perfect. Not too hard, not too soft. And his hand wasn't rough or smooth. It was manly and it told me that HE was confident and open and ready to meet me.

His eyes looked into mine and lingered for a moment as if to say "Hello" but then did a double take because at first HE didn't really notice that HE was attracted to me. From my end, the whole world stood still for that first moment. Oh my, I knew I was in trouble.

I dreamt about him night after night. HE was present in my dreams even if HE was not the main character in them. I knew, from that first moment, that we would be in each other's lives. I didn't really know how or how much, but I knew we would somehow be connected.

That was a decade ago. I still get a thrill from thinking of the moment we met.

Desert Flowers

She woke him up with a kiss. He was hard from a night beside her and wanted to feel her warm, wet pussy envelope his erection. She had other plans. "Not now...wake up and put your clothes on," she whispered. "What time is it? It's still dark outside," he said. She chuckled and slipped from beneath the warmth of their bed.

She drove. He slowly woke up as they headed east. Just as the sun peaked over the mountains, she said, "We're there." She grabbed a blanket and a basket. He wondered when she'd had time to plan all of this.

The desert wind was still cold from the night. Dew covered their shoes as they maneuvered through cacti and other flora. They climbed a small bluff and as they reached the top, all they could see was a field full of California Poppies. Yellow, red, orange, and green filled the ground as far as the eye could see. She giggled and he enjoyed her excitement.

She laid the blanket down among the flowers and pulled him down with her. "Now," she said as she kissed his face, "give me what you wanted to give me earlier."

He liked my story.

Beat and Greet

Most women's ideas about romance consists of a dozen red roses, delivered to her office for, say, Valentine's Day, or a beautiful dinner at someplace like Bertrand at Mr. A's or The Marine Room. While I am certainly not one to dismiss beautiful dinners, I much prefer places that are not so, cliche'. I think that's one of the reasons he likes me so much.

This weekend was filled with romance and there were no roses involved. Dinner didn't include a dress code or a beautiful view over the city. We landed at Lefty's Pizza.

Afterwards, we took a planned voyeuristic tour to our local sex dungeon for a "Beat and Greet". "Beat someone then introduce yourselves," explained a pervy looking man wearing a striped button down and a mischievous smile.

"Please ask the host if you want to use any toys hanging along the wall, but before you touch it," said "Mike" in his smoker's voice. He was not what I pictured as someone who would greet us for an event like this. I thought for sure a petite red head with a sexy smile and a Betty Page hairdo would most certainly open the door. Instead, a burly looking, bearded, pot-bellied middle-aged man who probably rides a Harley, checked our IDs and signed us in.

The room was so small. I prefer a space where I can actually get out of the way but there was something intriguing about being thrust into the midst of it all whether we liked it or not. As we found a spot in the corner to place our coats and umbrella, we held hands and walked self consciously through the crowd as if we were checking out the staged kitchen at an open house.

It's hard to know just how to act in a situation like this. He is always so cool and appropriate but I fear that I make faces and react a bit too loudly. The scenes were interesting and confusing. Some people said hello as they passed by and others ignored us, walking past as if we were invisible.

The St. Andrew's Cross was stationed in the corner with a full-sized mirror behind it. The sub draped her head and chest over the center of the cross while her wrists were cuffed into place. Her white ass was small and round. Her man smacked it first with his bare hands, then with a paddle, a flogger and then, a whip. When he was finished, her ass was red as a rose, and there were tiny welts that formed vertical stripes from left to right. She was happy and spent. Show was over and they moved on.

The naked man with the tattoos on his shoulders seemed to be writhing in pain. He stood face to face with his woman, another man stood behind him. Upon closer observation, it seemed that the fully clothed man was scratching his naked parts with a toothpick. Each time he ran the toothpick down his back, leg, chest, arm, etc....the naked man would jump and wiggle. His woman had his whole male package in her bare hands and she was tugging. Ouch! "CBT" He whispered in my ear. Cock and ball torture is a fetish involving the male genitalia. She appeared to be practicing squeezing. After many minutes of the toothpick and CBT, the men hugged and stroked each other's hair and then, all of a sudden, began wrestling. One thing led to another and both men ended up naked on the floor.

We talked all the way home about the scenes and what was sex and what wasn't. Is what we saw sex? Maybe not but what we engaged in next...absolutely was!

The next afternoon HE took me to a Bondage for Sex workshop. Ms. Nikki Nefarious showed us how to tie wrist cuffs and thigh cuffs from rope. HE already knows how to do this however, refresher courses are always necessary if you don't practice a lot. The two hour session allowed us to play on some of the same equipment that we'd seen the night before. It was playful and fun and exciting.

I wanted him to practice what we'd relearned when we got home. I was eager to continue the play and the tension that had slowly built between us. We got naked on his bed. We made out and HE flipped me onto my stomach. Slowly HE moved his hands over my back, through my hair, and down to my ass. SLAP! HE smacked. It startled and excited me. HE dripped lube between my legs. It was cold and wet and shocking. I felt something cold on my ass cheeks then WHACK! The paddle stung. HE ran the smooth side of the leather over my back and legs then WHACK, WHACK, WHACK this time a little harder. HE turns me on so much and no matter what it is I am always ready to try it with him. HE entered me from behind as he continued smacking my ass. HE fucked me hard and the spanking stopped. HE flipped me back onto my back and kissed me good as he fucked me. My orgasm was intense and HE was pleased with his work.

Another weekend was coming to a close. We drifted off to slumber once again in each other's arms and labeled it our Kinky Weekend.

Ebb, Flow and Pivoting

It's absolutely crazy to me how quickly my emotions can change within the relationship. One minute I want to run away as fast as possible never looking back on the last decade and the next I want nothing more than to be entangled and naked with him even if I am feeling insecure and scared and desperate.

Maybe it's where I am in my life or maybe it's the relationship or a delicate combination of both, but it's the ebb and flow that I must learn to accept. It can't be all happy all the time. And it certainly can't be negative more than it is positive.

A friend emailed me the following quote on a day when I most needed to hear something, well, positive. It spoke to me. It reminded me to accept the tides of my relationship a little more openly and to let go the times when maybe it's not so perfect. Ebb and flow, like the ocean tides and the phases of the moon, it all comes back around eventually.

Anytime you feel negative emotion, stop and say: Something is important here;
otherwise, I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I
want? And then simply turn your attention to what you do want. . . . In the
moment you turn your attention to what you want, the negative attraction will
stop; and in the moment the negative attraction stops, the positive
attraction will begin. And in that moment, your feeling will change from not feeling
good to feeling good. That is the Process of Pivoting.
--- Abraham

Yes, it actually works.

This Should Have Been the First Post

I used to think that fidelity was my burden to bear in this life...or should I say, lack of fidelity. But now, that I seem to have gotten over the urge to lay with men because they showed interest in me, I have found something else to learn about. Seems that Happiness is my true lesson to learn.

For the past few years I have felt increasingly anxious about my relationship. It is very good but things have changed. Maybe I am crazy but maybe he has slipped back into his old habits. It would be very easy to slip back into mine just to numb my senses but for some reason, I don't want to. Afterall, to love is to be open and to be open is to be vulnerable.

So, here I am, vulnerable and without a back up plan. I have spent too much time trying to figure out if he, too, will just end up tricking me and fucking me over. I try and try to catch him and not in the most discrete ways. He knows me. Better than I know myself really.

But am I crazy or is he full of shit? I should hope it is neither but that two mates are just trying to figure this out together.

The UnValentine's Day

Me: Do you want your present now?

Him: What? What present. We don't celebrate Valentine's Day.

Me: I know, but we have exchanged gifts every single year.

Him: What did I get you last year?

Me: Ummmm, well, you took me to the ballet.

Him: That was because the ballet happened to be playing that night.

Me: Oh, well, open your gift anyway.

Him: Awwww, thank you. You are so sweet.

We were naked, already in bed after a long night. He is unconventional and romantic. Curve balls are his favorite. Sometimes I think he much prefers going for the entertainment factor of throwing me off then actually being conventional.

But when I least expect it, there it is....romance at its finest. I am hopelessly hooked on him.